Insomnia and Hypersomnia

Good Evening Pumpkins.

What does having Insomnia or Hypersomnia feels like? 

Many of you who have seen my blog from the very first post must know that i've been struggling (and still) with depression, if you haven't seen that post yet you can check it out here, and when you say depression you say all the other mental disorders that comes with it.

Usually when you have depression you have either Insomnia or Hypersomnia or both. You can never just get a normal sleep when there's like a huge mess in your mind. Even for a person that doesn't struggle with depression, when they have a lot of problems to think of they can't get a good night sleep, let alone those who carry a huge pain in their daily life.

So what are Insomnia and Hypersomnia? In brief, you might have guessed it, they have opposite meanings, while Insomnia is the fact that a person can't sleep at all, Hypersomnia in the other hand is when a person sleeps a lot, not in the meaning of sleeping a lot of times per day but sleeping for a very long time, basically a very deep sleep.

In my case, i've experienced both, strangely is that they were caused by the same reason. Let's start with the common one which is Insomnia, because yes, people tend to have Insomnia more than Hypersomnia. 

In those day where i really struggled with a severe depression, i had a really hard time sleeping, i'd switch off my laptop and think that darkness might help me a little bit, but, not at all. It was full nights of me, in the dark, laying on my back, looking at the ceiling that i can't even see, untill the sunrises and the rays go through the window so that i can finally see the whiteness of the ceiling.

I've tried different sleeping pills given to me by my psy but they only made me have a deranged sleep and i would wake up in the middle of the night. I spent nights and nights watching series, movies or cartoons on the tv, and while Insomnia is bad in a way that, well you can't sleep, you also can't eat. You feel tired but the desire or the interaction of your body to let you sleep isn't there.

I lost quite a lot of weight because of that, i went from 60kg to 46kg, in a really short period. And because depression wasn't enough i had to deal with the way i looked and hating it. My rib cage was showing, my cheeks were sucked in it looked like a skull with skin, no meat no nothing, i was pale and looked pretty much like a living corpse.

And the thing is when you have Insomnia, it's at night obviously, so another annoying thing about it, is that it makes you feel lonely. Because while you are awake dying from boredom and almost going crazy for not being able to sleep, meanwhile people are sleeping including those you would like to talk to to feel a little bit better.

Now about Hypersomnia, one day i felt really tired at night and actually had that desire to sleep, so i thought "Well all good i can finally get to sleep" but the twist of the story here is, the next day i only woke up at 5:00pm, and because that wasn't crazy enough, i woke up feeling like i haven't slept at all. I had the same tiredness and sleepiness i had before sleeping, i felt like my energy was drained, i could go for another 20 hours sleep and it wouldn't bother me.

The other thing is, besides waking up from sleep, and feeling sleepy, you wake up sick, having a need to throw up, so yet again you can't eat, just like a morning sickness for a pregnant lady. So you can't eat you feel sick and you need to go back to sleep. I thought well maybe it is just because i didn't get enough sleep those last days, but, same thing happened the next day, and the next day and the next day..

I would snooze my alarm and keep on sleeping and when i wake up i never remember i did until i see on my phone that the alarms (yes because i set a lot of times lol) have been snoozed, and yet again o wake up sick and ready to go for another round of sleep. What bothers me now, is that i go out with my Boyfriend a lot but it's like i can't keep myself full of energy to enjoy our date, i'm all cool at first because i did some walking to the café but once i sit, i need to sleep again.

So either way, if you're struggling with Insomnia or Hypersomnia it's pretty shi**y! It doesn't affect your sleep only, but a lot of things that keeps you healthy. And to be honest, i don't really know if there are solutions for that i've been enduring those for so long i just learned to live with them and hope i don't die from that because that would be pretty ridiculous lol

So that's all i have for you lovelies, hope you guys get a lot of healthy sleep and rest well to wake up in full energy the next day.

Lovely Night Pumpkins ♡